| Website Sections |
 |
|
|
|
 |
Bathtub test
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the director how they determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.
“Well,” said the director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor.
“A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup?”
“No,” said the director, “A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?”
Tasty lass
What do you call a woman with a full English breakfast on her head? Cafe....
Short change
I was reading in the paper today about this dwarf that got pickpocketed.
How could anyone stoop so low?
Black & white
A penguin goes into a bar and asks the barman: “Have you seen my brother?”
The barman asks: “What does he look like?”
Long sentence
A patient was at her doctor’s office after undergoing a complete physical examination.
The doctor said: “I have some very grave news for you. You only have six months to live.”
The patient asked: “Oh doctor, what should I do?”
The doctor replied: “Marry an accountant.”
“Will that make me live longer?” asked the patient.
“No,” said the doctor, “but it will SEEM longer...”
Honest work
THE manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee’s application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before.
He says to the man: “For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage.”
“Well,” the applicant replies, “the work is so much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing!”
Money talks
A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill.
“I’m shocked!” she complained. “This is three times what you normally charge.”
“Yes, I know,” said the dentist. “But you yelled so loud, you scared away two other patients.”
Thoughts
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
If money doesn’t grow on trees, then why do banks have branches?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Ed Lines
Danny Lockwood manages to coerce a fly, on the wall of the Cabinet office, to report back on Gordon Brown’s musings ahead of his latest ministerial reshuffle. We join the ...
|
| More ... |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
